Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Will I remember?

Sitting with my husband last night after Braxton had gone to bed, I realized something. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't remember what it was like to hold my son as a newborn. The more pressure I put on myself to remember the more it became clear that I couldn't even picture his face in the hospital. The worst feeling came over me. It's a pain and a guilt that I couldn't just let pass. Shouldn't a mother be able to picture her offspring at any stage, regardless of how much time as passed. It's not like it's been years since he was born. If my memory cannot fully go back 10 1/2 months what will I remember a year from now? Will I be able to tell my son years down the road "I can still picture your sweet baby face" without it being a lie? Yes, I can envision snippets of his face but can't pinpoint exactly when his features changed or which month he had that chunky face and short spiky hair. This morning I had to wake up and go through every picture I have of him. I want to keep my memory fresh. When I tell my son stories of how he had abnormally large feet at birth or of how he was such a hyper little guy that he had his first real boo boo at 9 months, I want to see his face. I want to see that moment flash before my eyes. Time has gone by so quickly that I can't keep up. There have been 10 million gazillion precious moments in 10 months and I feel like I won't be able to store them all. Apparently I should've started blogging a long time ago!
In the hospital

One week old

3 months (before the major chunk set in)
4 months (daddy's idea lol)

6 months
9 months (thinning out)

Yesterday
I had to add this one because this is his new favorite toy! He loves to walk and kick it also.

4 comments:

Andrea said...

I completely understand. There are many things that I can't remember and it really bothers me also. Your little boy is adorable! (bbc mama)

Frogs and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails said...

Wow Kaity look how blonde his hair is getting. I know exactly what you are talking about though.

Momto3LittleFlowers said...

Hun.... That is REALLY normal!! I swear!!!

If this helps a bit, sometimes I get confused with which one of my girls did an specific thing... I have found myself saying: "I remember one of the girls did that around "x" age, but I cant remember who".

seemommysew said...

blog hopped over from "Notes from My Nest". I feel the same way. It makes me sad too...they change so much....I wish I could hold onto their little-selves. It's fun to see them grow though. Your little one is adorable.